June 10th Final Post

My last moments in France were spent in a hotel and an airport. I'm alright with that, better than a train.

I woke up at six o'clock in the morning only to find that it was SIX o'clock. Clearly the ultra comfy mattress Novotel provided gave me a better night's sleep than anything in Le Havre. I didn't stay up for long, rather I drifted with my head on a soft pillow and under a warm protecting cover. I could become used to this.

Eventually ten o'clock rolled around which forced me to rise and face the day. Wasn't too bad, just a shower, some clothes, and forcing my backpack shut with a stubborn ferocity. That was me attacking the day or seizing it or whatever.

I met Jonathan at the airport, fortunate too. I had already checked in online and was waiting in the line for check-in instead of bypassing it for the already checked-in line. Heh, oops. My bag turned out to be almost exactly fifty pounds, just made it audience. It was good to send it off, I received one wicked bruise from it later on that night. Fifty pounds of hell.

Jonathan and I then ate a breakfast of sorts together right by the passenger only walkway. My last meal in France was a pain au chocolat and un café noir. Good choice and a classic one too. We talked for as long as we could really, before I had to go that is. Fuck!

This shit is difficult, really motherfucking hard. I did my best and didn't cry, least not then. I had time to be all sullen while waiting for boarding zones. Jonathan and I kissed each other and said goodbye. He didn't let go of my hand (or I didn't let go of him) and I was pulled back into a final kiss. He then told me to go. I did but I sure as hell didn't want to. Conflicts audience, all the way until the end conflicts.

My mother called me right after I stepped through the passenger only zone to find that I had issues speaking. She told me it'd be fine and that I should concentrate on arriving at my gate. She also told me that she missed me and couldn't wait for me to be home. That helped some.

I sat at my gate after flying through security with my I-pod cycling through Sarah Smiles by Panic! At the Disco. It wasn't too long before my zone was called and I boarded the plane that took me away from France.



Well that was fucking depressing. Yup, back to swearing again. I have arrived home and it does feel good to hear my accent once more. My biggest issue this summer is keeping up with my French which should be accomplished with movies, sending messages to my French friends, and listening to copious amounts of music. I didn't go abroad for nothing audience.

But wait, what now MareBear? You're all finished with study abroad. What about us? What about your audience that wants to read more about your student life? Aw. Audience I appreciate your desire to further creep/read about me on the internet. You'll be happy to know that I created a summer blog about my returned life in Chicago for almost no reason at all. You may now enjoy new blog cravings of MareBear only this time it's happening in the States.

One question remains. Can you handle it?

Thank you so much for sticking with me all the way audience. I hope some of you carry on and click that link above for my freshly made Summer Blog. Without you guys I wouldn't have completed my most important TO-DO on the list of study abroad tasks. Now I forever have a record of my adventures in France. Thank you again and see you in cyberspace. I mean, if you want to.

Much love,

Mary (MareBear) Scale

June 9th

Waking up today was surreal. Just (shiver) weird. Nothing solidified until the last minute. That's a goodbye I suppose.

I met Kate outside my room and we headed off for our Brioche breakfast together. The weather was favorable; instead of sunshine and heat we had an overcast with a cooling breeze. This is my kind of day to travel with bags and a sweatshirt on. The brioche was delicious too, just saying.

It was then the waiting game until Kate had finished cleaning every last bit of her room. I wrote in Claudi's memory book during the last bits of floor mopping. After that, after the door was locked, well we left for the ferry port.

One of the longest walks of my life. Knowing the ending was so near it just caused my stomach to twist and knot. After arriving I sat with Kate for as long as possible. I didn't let go of her hand until they announced that boarding had started. We then hugged and cried into each other. It was, hmm well, ah. It's difficult to describe. I just know I don't want to feel that type of sadness again. She was leaving and we both knew we wouldn't be down the hall anymore. I must have looked back at least a dozen times as I walked away.

Cleaning occupied my time until my departure. Sammie came by my room to see if I wanted a ride to the station rather than lugging my bags there. Good thing he offered because I scrambled at the end to finish cleaning (stupid counter tops) and would have probably missed the train otherwise. Thanks again Sammie, you're a lifesaver.

The train ride was interesting. First off I didn't have a ticket. I had intended to buy one at one of the machines but none of my remaining cards (LCL accounted had been closed remember) had any chips in them. The machines don't like scanners. In the end I decided to just board the damn train. If they charged me whatever, I needed to arrive in Paris.

Second weird part is that it was overflowing with people. Fortunately I had a seat. And an arm rest. And a head cushion. Heh, sucked for so many other people. Still dunno why there were so many. It was a Sunday.

In the end I didn't have to pay anything. Sweet, just had a free ride to Paris. Not too shabby. Jonathan was there waiting for me since he so kindly volunteered to help me with my bags. The next day I found out my duffel bag (checked luggage) was on the boarder of the fifty pound limit and my backpack (carry on) was on the line of twenty pounds. Needless to say Jonathan was useful because seventy pounds of extra weight really slows me down.

A bus, a shuttle, and a bit of walking later we arrived Novotel, my residence for the night. The first thing I did after check in was take a shower. Scrubbing all that bleach and cleaning residue away was heavenly. Factor in fluffy towels and unlimited hot water and you have one happy MareBear.

To give you an idea of my transformation audience I went from gamer clothes (ripped up jeans, sneakers, sweatshirt) and turtle shell to a black dress, heels, and shawl. Jonathan was taking me out to dinner, needed to amp my game up. He was in a suit as I've so often seen him, looking attractive as ever. Wow. Glad Kate helped me pick out cute heels.

So I didn't know where we were going to eat. He had posted a link on his blog but I enjoy (controlled) surprises. It was this,

La George which sits atop the Pompidou Museum

A little detail, minor really, it overlooks Paris and we were seated across from Notre Dame. Pulchritudinous.

Dinner was lavishly fantastic and began with an entree of foie gras along with some white wine. Can't help but grin at that, foie gras is my favorite French dish. For the main course I had cod (another favorite) and Jonathan had duck. Part of me is sad at how delicious it was because it means I'll be without it when I leave. Hmm, that could be an incentive to go back. Always a focus for food. 

We did take a break from our meal to stand outside on the patio area. Being together like that, Jonathan's arm around my waist as the city of lights sat before us. I believe that's how perfect contentment feels. Being an adult does have its moments. Thanks to you audience I'll always remember it too.

June 8th

I'm not sure how long this post will be. It was an amazing last day to say the least. Just know that.

Let's start with my goodbye to the Racadot family. I went over around two o'clock with a container of candy in hand of course. Mrs. Racadot answered the door and ushered me to their back garden. Finally I was able to enjoy the splendor of roses and shade with my French kids. I also met Mr. Racadot for the first time. Bruno was perfectly pleasant and nice as I had always expected him to be.

I chatted for a while in a mix of French and English. It was relaxing and beautiful for me as well as incredibly sad. Least we all gave gros bisoux when I left. Plus Mrs. Racadot bestowed a gift of quality soaps and gels to me. Sweet deal, seriously awesome. A picture was taken of me and the kids, once I have it I'll post it here.

After I said that goodbye (sniff so depressing) I met up with Kate for some downtown shopping. We browsed Espace Coty, I downed a quiche, and we even looked through a nautical souvenir shop. At the shop I bought a large compass. Why? I like strange things. Besides compasses I enjoy spyglasses, mirrors, magnifying glasses, maps, ink bottles, dip pens, and more. The list is quite extensive. I also wanted a less stereotypical souvenir of Le Havre.

The Docks were then visited for H&M and supermarket bits. Right when we arrived I felt a small hand touch my left palm. I looked down and whom should I see but little Alexis smiling at me. I laughed and said hello while looking around for Mrs. Racadot. She called out and said hello as well. It was a cute moment especially since Alexis kept looking back.

Fast forward to my last dinner in Le Havre. Kate and I had decided that we wanted to eat at the fifty's diner one final time together. We had burgers and fries galore. Unfortunately they discontinued their chocolate shake (bastards) which was crucial for Kate and me. I settled on vanilla, last night after all.

We later on were at the Trappiste with our friends. It took a while for most of them to show but once they did all was good, sorta. They didn't play Fresh Prince but rather the bartenders sensed a room of gloom and stuck to slow rhythms and sad songs. We made a point of pictures again as well as hugs. Though the difference tonight is Kate and I couldn't hold back the tears. It was too much.

Still quite a finale to Le Havre.

June 7th

It's Friday and almost everything is packed away! Seriously my room looks weird. Almost...empty?!

So what happened today. Heh. Well. Ah that's right! I mailed a nugget.

Kay so it's not exactly an actual nugget but the resemblance is there. What is it really? It's the duvet Caitlin loaned to me. Since time ran out for us to meet up again before I left I had to ship it to her. The French post office accepted it too. Saved me time finding a big enough box. However I did screw up the first form causing me to have to fill out a fresh one. The line behind me was not happy. Whatever, I walked there and was dripping from the sunshine (a suffering soul) whereas they had driven. Least the postal worker was nice.

After that was all squared away Kate and I went to the beach to meet up with Jessy. Turns out it would be our last time seeing him (sadness). At least it was a beautiful day with a mild breeze under the sun. Kate and I had become decently hot from the day and decided to wade in the water a bit. Since I don't care I didn't roll up my flares and just dragged them through the small swells. I received a few looks.

We then dried off with Jessy and his friends as the sun beat down. I'm glad for my genetics because it takes a good chunk of time before I burn. Jessy and Kate aren't so fortunate in that category. Good thing France sells aloe vera cream.

Hmm cream, that sounds familiar. Oh yeah, ice cream time! Ah for a final duo of flavors I went with my favorites, smurf and monster. Such delicious colors. Mmm unnatural green and blue. I again receive looks, mostly from Kate.

What should happen then but for us to run into our friend Agnese. We said goodbye to Jessy and found Agnese shortly after. The three of us sat and watched a game of touch rugby for a lil bit before calling it a day at the beach. Agnese would reappear later at the Containers party.

Pregame pregame pregame! With Arrested Development and wine. Heh, it worked.

Aight the Containers. The party was really bumping. Most of our friends were there and we stayed until around three-ish, or maybe two-ish. I'm honestly not sure. It was the last night Kate and I had with Berto thus plenty of pictures were snapped. Well plenty of pictures were taken in general since Katerina had her camera.

By the end of the night Kate and I were hugging everyone. It's starting to really become emotional for us. After all we only have a few days left. Phew, just gonna focus on tomorrow. It'll be a big day.

June 6th

It was a rather hot day today, for Le Havre standards. My issue was once again being dressed in a skin tight outfit. The only difference from Tuesday was this time I was in my sneakers. For all those haters of my beautiful destroyed converse, at least they breathe! Air flow is an important asset when the day is filled with an agenda of errands. Let's go Kate.

First stop was the bank. I have to say it is irritating when people try to tell you something important and decide to do so while bending down to grab something. Sorry banking assistant I didn't understand what you just said. Yes I am giving you that blank look. Deal.

The actual purpose of LCL was to close our bank accounts. I can't exactly use it in the States due to it being a student plan yadda yadda. Anyhow it ended with my card being cut in half and some homework. What's that? Homework? Yup since I won't be there to "close up" my room I also won't be there to verify the cancellation of the residence insurance. Thus I have to have a letter of annulment all set and ready for Fabian.  He's such a saint to take my place for me. Thank you again dude.

After the bank it was lunch time (well Crous then lunch time but that part was dull as hell). Kate and I bought some sandwiches from the supermarket and sat out in the sunshine to dine on our lunches. We chatted for a while before heading to the library to type up our letters. Stupid printer password! Whatever it printed, eventually. Time for the SRI office.

Now this errand turned out to be interesting. I had to go in to verify my list of classes and assure them that I had indeed taken all of my final exams. I was then presented with the situation that Jaimie had in fact not submitted her course list. Oh boy. They asked if I could inform her since I had contact with her. Did they burn her e-mail address or something?! Whatever, I'll shoot her a message about it. Still, guys c'mon I'm a student too.

Martine then called Michael over so that we could say goodbye to him. The three of us talked and Michael commented on how beautiful Chicago was and that he had met a woman from Saskatoon there. Small world, seriously small. Anyhow we gave our partings and left the office with waves and smiles. I will miss all of them, they helped me so much throughout my year in France. Hmm.

June 5th

Wednesday what to say?

I have had trouble sleeping recently and I'm guessing it's not all due to the mattress. These past few weeks stress has been biting me in the ass. Now it's moved onto shredding my sanity rather than just a nibble here and there. Cleaning is a big solution.

Kate was a sweetheart and washed my cover sheet along with hers and Victoria's in some bleach. We are required to do so by Crous even though the sheets are cheap and could be easily replaced with new ones. Oh well rules are rules. Grrr stupid Crous.

Anyhow Miss Appleby kindly used her token for the job and returned my cover to me nice and clean. Thanks again Kate! After showering to Frankie Valli I decided to pick up around my room and reorganize my suitcase. Looking much much MUCH better. The floor still needs a bit of scrubbing but that's what Some Nights are for. Actually they're usually Fun. Oh those were terrible puns.

Besides cleaning I've taken up one of my old worn habits, poetry. I often write bits of poems or play around with words while I'm feeling a lil low. It helps me snap out of it and realize how useless thinking like that is. Never accomplishes anything and makes everyone around you feel awkward. So though I'm sad (oh my I admitted it) I'm not gonna let it rule me rather I'll put One Foot in front of the other. Again that floor needs attention and I clean best when I'm All Alone. Ouch those quips were painful.

June 4th

Whoops I'm in Paris.

Heh, my morning was spent in Le Havre signing a photo collage with Kate for our friend Ieva. On the way to campus we ran into Jessy. That was fortunate, I hadn't seen him in a long time. Everyone hugged and smiled each other before we went our separate ways.

Kate and I nabbed some lunch at the Carrefour bakery and ate outside the train station together. We (mostly Kate) helped a travelling couple find the bus stop for Honfleur. They were sweet and grateful for the assistance. Apparently the teller at the station hadn't explained that the loading docks for the buses was located right outside. Language barriers audience, death of us all.

Once lunch was eaten I hugged Kate goodbye and boarded the noon train to Paris. She unfortunately had to study for a final and was unable to go with me. This Paris trip was a solo one where it would just be me, my two feet, and some sunshine.

Alright there was too much sunshine. Trying to sensible I decided to wear a long sleeved top to avoid bringing a jacket. The temperature drops rapidly after sunset and I would've been chilled without proper coverage. The black skin tight shirt plus the navy skin tight jeans did keep me warm, too bad the temperature was floating in the 70s of Fahrenheit (20s of Celsuis, 290s of Kelvin). Least it wasn't raining.

I began my day in Odéons the theater and somewhat literature district of Paris. I didn't go to the Luxembourg gardens simply because I didn't feel like it. I preferred wandering through various bookstores and staring at masquerade masks hung in shopfronts. There was a store that had lovely editions of Jules Vernes in the original French but they were ancient copies meaning expensive. Maybe when I'm older and have more room in my suitcase.

From there I walked to the Shakespeare and Company bookstore which lies right by Notre Dame. Finally I nabbed the book that had caught my eye weeks before. Audience this might be a shocker to you, so sorry. My desired text was Jim Crow American, Selected Songs and Plays. It is a fantastic collection of extremely sensitive history (for the States anyhow). I had flipped through it when I was last in Paris with Kate and Jonathan. What had caught my eye was the lyrics of the Jump Jim Crow song. They are written in a southern dialect and convey. Well. Hmm. let's say they convey ideas. Here's a sample:

Dat sour and dat sweet,

Is berry good by gum',

But de best of lemonade is,

Made by adding rum.

I also bought a hardback edition of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Both books are inked with the Shakespeare and Company stamp just so I'll always remember where I bought them. Let's just hope my bag isn't checked at O'Hare. 

Moving on I then paid Notre Dame a visit. The line was long though completely worth it. First the cathedral was cool (compared to the damn heat) and second because of the sunlight the rose windows were gorgeous. The colors from the stained glass, breathtaking somewhat suffices. 

After the lovely Notre Dame and I said our goodbyes my feet carried me parallel to the Seine towards Le Louvre. Along that road there were several florists and pet shops, strange combo but ok. The sun was starting to wear on me thus I was more than grateful to walk through the gardens of Le Louvre. Trees and precious shade embrace me! I really don't do well with high temperature sometimes. 

I kept along that direction (west-ish I believe) until arriving at Champs Elysees. Now I had a mission on this street of fashion. Screw all the designer stores Mary is having muffins. Marks and Spencer I will miss you so much. Mostly your muffins of course, ah blueberry so delicious! So yes, that was my purpose on the Champs Elysees. 

Not long after while I was hiding from the sun near Swarovski I met up with Jonathan. He had suggested grabbing a few drinks together since I was in the neighborhood. At first we had no idea where we were going for said alcohol. Eventually we decided on a bar near St. Lazare so that I could catch my train more easily. 

Time for a confession, MareBear was slightly stupid. Lunch had been my only meal and for drinks I had two pints of Leffe. Oops. Needless to say Jonathan had to somewhat guide me to the station due to me laughing at everything. Sorry bout that babe. I said goodbye to him with a few kisses and a spine crunching hug. Dunno how he deals audience. 

Once on the train I fell asleep. Surprise there. I woke up a few minutes before we arrived in Le Havre with a few yawns. I happily though sleepily walked home and collapsed upon my bed. It had been a fantastic day of Paris with an unexpected ending of pleasantries. Although next time I'll make sure to have some dinner beforehand. Silly MareBear.

June 3rd

I did not have a graceful morning. Since removing the duvet that Caitlin loaned me, my bed has reverted back to it's cardboard self. My spine has never made more popping sounds. Might need to visit my chiropractor back in the States. As Kate puts it, "we're crunchy."

So today is when I had my last final exam in France. Wow, that's a heavy load off. The exam itself was enjoyable since I was discussing nursery rhymes. Specifically I was talking about how nursery rhymes influence a child's upbringing in literature. Mother Goose came up as did Through the Looking Glass. Really need to reread the part where Humpty Dumpty dies and where Alice shakes the hell out of a kitten.

Anyhow I essentially passed. The class was awesome and I wished my professor all the best in the years to come. Sigh, felt good leaving campus though. Aw what the hell. No More Finals WHOOO! Heh.

After that I swung by the Docks to meet up with Kate only I hit a snag; my stomach was hungry. I stood in line at the bakery and called out to her when she arrived. Sadly there weren't any jambon buerre sandwiches, damn, but they did have quiche. I also grabbed a pretzel beignet. Needless to say I enjoyed my post final lunch.

Once that was devoured (hungry like the wolf) Kate and I headed for H&M. Since I am without my closet at home in the States I am also without shoe selections. This means shopping which is fun. Though brief Kate and I decided on a pair of practical heels. Best part is I can wear them with many things at home that I have and will have. Oh audience, gimme a few days to recover from jetlag and Michigan Avenue will be hit.

Home sweet home. Hello bed, hard as rocks bed. Ugh, oh well least everything smells fresh and clean. I took a few naps throughout my night. Guess it's a reaction of stress release and having a 4:30 AM bedtime. Any case I have to meet a friend on campus round 11ish tomorrow (early night for MareBear) before heading out on an adventure. Something I've wanted to do in parallel to what Paula did back in the days of winter.

Fingers crossed for good weather. And also wishing Kate good luck on her last two exams with a big hug as a finish. Felt worth mentioning.

June 2nd

I would like to start off by saying Happy Birthday Jessy! I'm sorry you weren't mentioned in the blog more frequently but you made an enormous impact on my stay here in Le Havre. Always love you Jessy babe.

The rest of my day consisted of chores (folding clothes and scrubbing mostly) and reading here and there. Yes I'm still sifting through my reread of Fifty Shades. I knew it would be a daunting task but it really is difficult when you laugh everytimw Christian says the word "baby" and Ana says "sexy". Sorry, didn't buy it the first round still not buying it. Also what kind of kids in their twenties speak so formally? Oh wait, zero.

Moving on from my ramblings about Fifty Shades. Ahem, yes well I didn't write much today. I scanned the latest history addition and ended up making only minor changes; an adjective here, cutting an adverb there. Tedious bits. Still it helps, especially when a sentence drives you crazy and you can't think as to why. Often it's a preposition being wonky. Or a noun. Oh that one time it was the verb. There's not really a direct formula.

Later tonight I will resume laundry duties, this time my sheets er blankets I use a bedding. In any case I will revise for my final during the pockets of time otherwise known as when I want to. It's Nursery Rhymes, my last final and a speaking one again. Reviewing Humpty Dumpty will be the most critical area. I can do that while my Blackhawks blanket is thoroughly scrubbed clean.

Although they have won the divisions so far since the last time I washed it. Huh. Could I? Naw that's gross. It's having a bath regardless of being a week away from departing Le Havre. Damnit. That makes me sorta sad. Face it MareBear, just face it. Inner turmoil audience. Serious turmoil. I'm going to go have some potatoes now.

June 1st

Holy crap, one week left. Or to go. Or left. Go, left, go, left. Agh! Too many conflicting emotions. What to do audience what to do. Write of course.

I woke up late (as usual) and began my day with some editing of a chapterish section of a story I've been working on since forever. Well I gave birth to the idea (I know a strange use of the verb birth) when I was eleven years old so that seems close to forever. The story has developed so much throughout the years. Unfortunately I don't have the original chapter drafts, least not from back then. My desktop has been wiped of files (viruses) about three times in its life.

Anyways I spent some time doing that before meeting up with Kate for some lunch/dinner. Meal names tend to be tilted for me since I start my days (given the option) in the late afternoon. We ate, we were merry, and we then made our way to Alex's apartment.

Alex is my Romanian brother of sorts and today is his last "day" in Le Havre. Thus I had to see him to sign his t-shirt and say goodbye. He used to live in the student dorm near the cafeteria but due to lease reasons jumped ship to another building down the block. Berto was kind enough to tell Kate and me this while we waited outside of Labedoyère. Heh, oops.

We found him (Kate spotted him on the bridge) and t-shirt signing commenced. It was a beautiful sunny day to boot, a great last day. When we finished our messages I gave Alex several big hugs. He's one of my original friends here in Le Havre and will be missed greatly. I hope I'll always remember that I had a Romanian brother.

Kate and I then headed to the docks for some light H&M shopping. I did nab a pair of shorts (for the plane ride home) and a sensible skirt (for summer activities). My suitcase has a decent amount of space in it. I'm also chucking a lot out before the final packing arrangements meaning no matter what I'll have room for the new additions.

Once at the dorm the tradition of painting nails while drinking while watching a series commenced. Arrested Development can be watched a hundred times over and still be funny. Just such an amazing show. I can't wait for the fourth season! As soon as I'm home (kinda) Netflix will be used to its full potential. Least the streaming.

I finish my night with a book series of smut. Something told me that I should finish the Fifty Shades trilogy. I have no idea what part of my brain thought that would be wise yet here I am. Reading it aloud at times is rewarding. The wording is just-sigh. No MareBear it's not worth it. Adieu audience, til tomorrow.

May 31st

Afternoon mornings are wonderful. My head lifted off of my pillow around four o'clock PM. Obviously I slept like a log and loved it. Not long after (maybe a minute) I received a message from Kate asking if I was awake yet. Just woke up Kate, so yes.

She came over to my room (after I threw some clothes on) and the two of us watched some Arrested Development together. Since we have very little time left I decided to give Kate the third season and some of the second season of Arrested Development. She's taken to the series and now must see them all. That kind of addiction I completely understand. Last summer I was the chick who watched all seven seasons of Buffy within about two weeks. Slayer fest!

Anyhow we viewed a few stand-up routines before temporarily parting ways. There was a bar-party later on that night at a beach pub called Le Petit Rad and MareBear had woken up rather late in the day. I needed to become ready. Especially since we were leaving the dorm at nine o'clock.

Ultimately (because I'm frickin' lazy about laundry) I had to wear one of my dresses since all other clothes were in need of a wash. It was a change for me but I had on black tights and ballet flats meaning I was covered and low to the ground. Good thing too since this place was far along the beach. The beach is not close to me.

Kate and I walked to Le Petit Rad together and were joined by some of our friends. Once there we each grabbed a drink which took both patience and shouting. Damn blasted French youths, damn live band. Eventually we had drinks in our hands, Kate a mystic and MareBear a ti-punch. Mine was straight alcohol with some sugar and lime. Don't worry, didn't down it. I did eat the limes though much to Kate's disgust.

It was then time to mingle. I ended up talking to my friends Georgiana and Alina for most of the night. It was a flashback to the beginning of the term when we all were becoming friends. Man that was a while ago and had a few others in the mix. Paula, Laura, and Demitrius have always been missed.

The bar closed around midnight so the group headed down the beach. Half went home but the rest of us stopped by another bar. I didn't drink anything there (neither did most of the others) rather I danced with my friends. This place was somewhat more my scene. The DJ played songs from the fifties, eighties, and sixties; those are my music genres. In fact Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go was played. That's my pump up (no judging) song before I work out. You just can't be in a bad mood when listening to that song audience.

Kate and Franklin attempted to dance with me as in actual couple dancing. Oh boy. I haven't done anything close to that since I was thirteen years old. The years that followed were wrought with two types of "coupled" dancing, the highschool waltz and the grind. Not exactly graceful skills. I tried to keep up but fluked a lot. I'd like to say I improved slightly as the night went on as I gained more practice even though the improvement was slight. Had fun anyways.

The walk home was rough. Not because anyone was particularly wasted. No, it was the distance of the bar to home. Just keep walking.

Once home I did not fall asleep instantly. I did my laundry instead. Audience my clock of life is a bit skewed from the rest of the world. My clothes are now clean and I can wear jeans again. Plus I was able to talk to Brian for a short while. Four o'clock hit and I passed out in my bed.

May 30th

CRAP!

It is never good when Kate's knocking is what wakes me up. I knew I should have reset my alarm properly instead of dismissing the 8 AM melody. Quickly quickly grab clothes! Hey there Kate. Yup this is exactly what it looks like. Give me a minute to find the files. Oh hey the hawks won game seven, sweet! Right files, files, here were are. Save as PDF then transfer to Rad USB. All done, let's go to the library!

That was my morning. Not graceful and definitely not courteous to Kate. Sigh, fluking sucks most times. Anyhow I printed my files off at the library and Kate did likewise. Hers was a document for Aberdeen whereas mine were reservations for both my upcoming flights and hotel. Not long now audience. Shhh, it s'ok shhhh.

After that we hit a number of errands including Crous office, English department, and supermarket. We were both craving a few apples on the way home. Once back at the dorm we went our separate ways. I ended up snoozing for a bit more (maybe an hour) before waking up and enduring a light workout. Shower time! I then watched a made for TV movie Grow Up Timmy Turner which brought back an overdose of nostalgia. It was round that time that I straightened my hair and applied my face for tonight we would be out on the town!

However, before that I ate some food with my friends. I had chowed down on a light meal and drank my weight in water but somehow I wasn't feeling satisfied. Good thing I arrived for leftovers! Ravioli you are mine and schnitzel you are mine.

We then set off for the night. Kate was not among us (St. Nicolas bunch) due to having an exam the next day. She's responsible that girl. It was Scott's last night in Le Havre meaning I simply had to go out with everyone. In addition I hadn't been to a bar with my friends since my birthday which was far too long ago.

Amazingly I only had two drinks the entire night; one was a pint of beer and the other a jager bomb. Seriously that was all. The reasoning behind all of this was because the first bar B&B such their bar down shortly after midnight. Apparently the owner or someone important had left disabling them from serving. Well what use is that? Our group decided to move.

Luck found me because the bar we were moving to was a mere two blocks from St. Nicolas. Hell yeah! It was called Music (simple I guess) and was a karaoke bar that I had passed by ever since my first days in Le Havre. Weird that now was my debut night there. To be honest it looks somewhat sketchy from the outside. Inside it was a small bar with a few mics, a dance floor, and plenty of seating.

Even if I had drunk any other cocktails I would have burned it all off. My friends and I were dancing like crazy (we brought it) and singing poorly to popular songs. Bohemian Rhapsody was played and is somewhat a trigger song for me. Can't help but sing and head bang along.

At the end of the night I gave Scott a big hug goodbye and wished him well. Though the departure of my friends is becoming more frequent it doesn't stop it from being difficult. Still, it was a great last night out and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Especially Ieva.

Time for me to enjoy some well earned sleep. Snooze button.

May 29th

Well audience I had about four-ish hours of sleep before my final. The unexpected outcome was that I felt rested. Huh. Anyhow after Simon and Garfunkel woke me up I did some review before heading out to my exam. It was a sunshine filled day and I arrived early with fifteen minutes to spare for final studying.

It was easy, surprisingly easy. Ok I had a huge advantage being a native English speaker for some of the questions. Well actually the exam (speaking or discussion) was almost 50/50 in French and English. I couldn't remember that "racine" meant root but pretty much nailed the other vocabulary terms. Heh heh, one of them was abstract abstrait and another was translator traducteur/traductrice. 

The final section of the exam was somewhat a freebie. Actually it was a complete free five points since it was naming synonyms for a few simple English words. My professor at first was hesitant to allow me to do this section. I grinned and she said, "well I guess that's how it goes" and I answered every single one correctly. With multiple options. And without struggle. Huh. Meh, go MareBear!

After that was completed and I told her how much I had enjoyed her class (no sarcasm) I left for Crous. At the office I nabbed a few laundry tokens as well as some valuable information. All students leaving in June have not been given a scheduled "cleaning" date yet. We wait til June (so three days?) until we can schedule one. Works for me.

I then dropped off a library book, bought a few treats (fruit) and a sandwich from the supermarket before returning to my cozy little dorm. My sandwich was devoured. I felt bored being awake earlier than normal. I then began to read an old book series when I felt myself leaning to the side. Huh, guess the four hours wasn't enough. Time for four more.

Around five something-ish I woke up from a lovely long nap. Remember audience sleep is at night. Kate appeared at my door not much later and we decided to go grab dinner and some cleaning supplies from the Docks. Subway was good as it often is and the supermarket was busy as it often is. I decided to grab a replacement black pen (mine is dying) which turned out to be a useful move later on. We ran into a few friends and left for home with bits in hand.

I'm not a firm believer in fate audience but we will see. In good time anyhow. Once home Irish Cream milkshakes occurred with four episodes of Arrested Development. Such a fantastic show. Take a good look audience because it's the last time you'll see them.

By them I mean, well I don't know. See you tomorrow audience!

May 28th

Ay studying blows. Look I'm sorry audience but studying for exams is never an "enjoyable" activity no matter  the content. I could be studying for a test on Zelda and still find it a snooze fest. Oh, Lexicology is what it is. Sides you guys know I didn't study all day. Woke up at noon, not possible to.

I did have the kids again today, second to last time. Louis and I worked on some vocabulary and conversations. Apparently his pen-pal was in France last week (the girl from England). The Racadots took her to Paris and Etretat as well as several places in Le Havre. Louis said that he might go back to England at some point in the summer to see her again. Now that's dedication to your pen-pal. I had one when I was eight. Never wrote back to Bailey.

Anne was up next and presented me with an interesting piece of content. Anyone out there a U2 fan? If so you probably know the lyrics to Sunday Bloody Sunday. Her class was analyzing its meaning and lyrics otherwise known as symbolism. Heh, good thing I like Anne otherwise I could've taken her for a wild trip with symbolism. Pst, MareBear is a firm believer in the bullshit factor of almost all symbolism. Goes along with my feelings towards the word "post-modern" and "the intentional fallacy".

Anyhow I helped her understand some of the questions such as "what two lines are repeated (besides the refrain) and why?" and "what Sunday did Jesus win and why?" The last one was fun. I re-enacted the rise of Christ with animated arm gestures and went off on how his act of revival represented new life and new hope; both tools against the bloody ends of death. Poor Anne, I was having too much with the assignment. The song itself is decent (Mary is currently writing this post to it) and I recommend all you non-U2 fans to give it a go.

In fact I'll cut a few internet corners for you. Gimme a second to find a decent lyric video with good volume levels. Trust me the music video is just them in concert and displays a not so graceful flashback to the 80s.

May 27th

It's a very special Monday audience. Two reasons; first it's Memorial Day in the States and second it's my dad's Birthday!

Just trolling a bit. And I did actually give him a call.

Other than that, it was a standard day of being a MareBear sloth. It's a rare breed that originated in the suburbs of Chicago but has since migrated to different areas of the world. Iowa has reported several sightings and even so far as the coast of France there have been claims of sloth's presence. No doubt about what my deadly sin is.

I did take Kate out to dinner later on in the evening because I didn't want to cook and it would be fun. We decided to eat at a St. Nicolas pizzeria called Pinocchio's. Both of us ordered our respected pizzas; margherita for me and anchovies plus olives for Kate. Unfortunately Kate's pizza was covered in anchovies causing her to drink the entire carafe of water. Poor dear.

After munching away at our pizzas and discussing feminism we ordered some dessert. Kate nabbed a creamy tiramisu while I settled on an extremely alcohol soaked lime sorbet. It became more of a slushie in the end. A slushie that I was not able to chug down. Gosh darnit, no brain-freeze! Compromises suck.

Tis all really.

May 26th

It was a good Sunday. A simple one but a good one, a day where I found a few solutions.

Audience I've been experiencing what my mother calls mild depression and what Study Abroad at Iowa calls   "bittersweet realization". Call it what you like but it essentially boils down to me sleeping restlessly and for longer lengths of time. Not to mention the dreams that I'd like to lock away. So being a semi-responsible adult-child I decided that something had to be done to stop all the nonsense. My solution was tea and history.

I finished a Spot of Bother which was a great book but a somewhat unnerving one as well. It's a realistic fiction with fascinating characters but also some nagging plots that dug at a few areas. Anyhow it didn't relax me as I had hoped.

Revising for lexicology proved useless as well. I read pages of vocabulary but couldn't seem to focus at all. That blew. I was restless yet bored at the same time. Gah first world problems. Didn't give up.

I ended up looking at my small collection of books (I sent my precious Tolken novels home) and spotted my Brief History of the United States. It was an act of desperation audience. I grabbed the book and started reading about Christopher Columbus (who until death kept thinking the Caribbean was Asia) and a few of the Indian (sorry Amerindian) tribes. The book was surprising decent. Fun fact, the Sioux Indians called themselves Dakota which means "allies" whereas everyone else called them Sioux which means "enemies". Eye of the beholder.

Tea was then brewed as I reviewed the first few chapters of my young country's history. The book includes several immigration maps and overviews of simultaneous events. I think I actually rehashed lessons that have been drilled into my brain ever since I could distinguish Quakers from a tube of oatmeal. In any case I knew more than I realized.

It did the trick. The brilliant combination of tea and history killed the stress my mind had been weaving and burying in my subconscious and appearing as terrifyingly realistic images during my sleep cycles. Flipside, though I didn't have nightmares I didn't fall asleep until after six in the morning. No I was not addicted to my book, no I was not on youtube. I was lying in my bed trying to sleep with no avail. Sigh, well it's better than snakes falling from the ceiling.

It's called a compass dude!

May 25th

Today was spent on mostly social accounts. It started in the afternoon (my sleep schedule has shifted yet again to a more nocturnal approach) with Kate and me going to the mall. 

It was a beautiful sunny day with fluffy clouds in the sky. Amazing how much the weather of an area can change at the drop of a hat, or day. We walked to town leisurely since we had time, no rush for anything. The first shop on the agenda was Sephora. Kate needed to replenish her stock of face cream and had a 10% off coupon to boot. Unfortunately when we arrived they were out of her lotion and compromises were made. I nabbed a small tube of sun protecting lip gloss in anticipation of the upcoming summer. 

We then swung by the ATM before heading out to lunch. Kate ducked into Takara's for some earrings for her aunt who apparently loves giraffes while I grabbed some fresh notes. Took me a few tries since I forgot which card I was using and entered the wrong pin twice. Oops. 

After all ATM issues were sorted Kate and I made our way to the Chinese restaurant next door. Before we arrived Kate gave me a small parting gift acting as an exchange for the Le Havre pocket knife I had given her two days earlier. It was a turtle necklace that fit like a glove. I felt like her main girl as she fastened the chain around my neck. Friendships like this are memorable and now I have another token to remember her by. 

Lunch then occurred with plenty of delicious caramelized dishes, rice, and even a palm sized almond cake. This restaurant has been a go-to for us since the beginning. Everything is starting to feel like tradition with the end of the year approaching which in its own was is endearing. Plus the rice was especially sticky today which went perfectly with caramelized chicken. 

I then had a new experience. Some background info that is grim; on Thursday a family friend known as my Grandma Wilma passed away. She was 92 which is perfectly amazing, regardless all of us miss her terribly. So I decided to write a letter to Uncle Joe (her husband) since I was unable to attend the wake ceremony. This involved me visiting a post office since I own zero stamps in addition to it being an international letter. Rather than a queue of people with packages and envelopes to mail I was ushered to a machine. Oh boy. 

All in all the machine was rather easy. I did fluke at one point when entering the country name. Being a native  English speaker I punched the first letter as "U" for United States forgetting that in French is it Etats-Unis. Good thing Kate was there otherwise I would've been confused for at least an additional five minutes. My French and English tend to mix when I'm not paying attention, my only excuse. 

We then stopped by the supermarket for a few goodies before returning to St. Nicolas. Later on we attended a birthday party for one of the Brazilian students. I wasn't exactly keen on going but I hadn't been to a party in a while and needed to shrug of the MIA feeling. In the end I was glad that I went since Julie was there and it was her last night in Le Havre. I mingled for most of the night and even fixed myself a martini before calling it a night. Julie received huge hugs from me. She will be missed. 

I made it home fine (stay in the light audience) and read a bit more of A Spot of Bother before drifting off to sleep. 

May 24th

Short day today. Take that how you like cause it was a bit weird in the beginning. Namely (I'm not going into details since rehashing is unpleasant) I had a very messed up dream that screwed with my schedule. Basically it was a dream where in the dream I said I didn't want to watch it anymore. Dunno where the gore and sociopaths came from but they need to leave my imagination. Once awake things solidified.

I played Cinderella except instead of going to a lovely ball in a magical gown and pumpkin I packed random bits into a red suitcase while in a tank top. Close enough. I also bleached the hell out of my bathroom. Now it's clean and the walls are more white. Mission accomplished.

It was bout dat time that I sat down and read several more chapters in a Spot of Bother. Great read if you have the chance to pick it up. Something about actually doing productive work merits the rewards of relaxing with a book. Plus I was bored of youtube. Oops, did I just rip a hole in the fabric of space and time? Naw, we're still good.

May 23rd

Sad day today. It was Jaimie's last thus it was sad. At least we spent time together before saying goodbye.

Jaimie came round my room at 2:30 PM with a few things in tow, namely her backpack. She had just finished the cleaning "inspection" with a Crous representative. Apparently the woman dubbed everything
"not clean" despite Jaimie scrubbing every surface down relentlessly. Oh well, the French are what they are.

After being filled in on that tale (while drying my hair actually) the two of us headed out to the mall. I received a call from Kate who was more than happy to join us. Jaimie needed a few souvenirs for her friends and family back home whereas Kate and I love shopping excursions. We had until 4:30ish since Jaimie needed to meet Julie at 5:00. No problem.

First stop was the overzealous souvenir store where my lovely suicidal sunflower mouse-pad came from. We ended up going back for a mug for one of Jaimie's friends; it was an I Heart NormandY shirt. How clever. And to the person who invented the I Love New York shirts, I hope your favorite member rots off. Hmm that might be a bit extreme but the damn copies are everywhere and scream tourism. Sigh. Moving on to better things.

At the mall Kate and I took Jaimie to one of our favorite stores that sells unique necklaces, bracelets, bags, shoes, you name it. It was there that Kate showed Jaimie a giraffe necklace which was perfect for Jaimie's giraffe loving friend. Convenient no? I also picked up a little something for a friend back home who's birthday is a decent time away. Figured it would be a good flashback gift.

After that we swung by Casa the store of nicknacks and small things. It was there that Jaimie found the perfect gift for her twin sister Sam. I also bought Jaimie a little going away present. It was a nutella cookbook that she was interested in. Kate bought her a lil something too and Jaimie was all smiles and, "aw you guys." Heh, I love giving a little back to my friends.

It was then quick chow time followed by chocolate buying. Jaimie's boyfriend Alex apparently loves chocolate making it a fantastic gift from France. I love strawberries and enjoy chocolate thus why I left the store with both in my hands. Girl has to splurge on chocolate at least once a month, mandatory part of womanhood.

We all met Julie outside her building and hastily walked home in the rain. I gave Julie my coat since it was waterproof and her sweater wasn't. Plus I was in a good mood for rain, it had a rich summerish scent to it and felt pleasant. I was the only one in the group with this opinion. I also was the only one silly enough to have worn a cream shirt while walking through the pouring sky of water. Uh oops?

Once back at St. Nicolas I made hot beverages for everyone to help warm us all up. The four of us then chatted away for a lil while sharing stories and laughing. Eventually the sky cleared up enabling Jaimie and Julie to retire to Julie's apartment. I gave Jaimie a big hug goodbye as I headed off to the supermarket.

This just feels weird. It has begun, the leaving. Oh boy/oh great.

May 22nd

What slinks on the ground, wears a shell, and leaves a slimy trail? My supper!

Today we (Julie, Jaimie, Kate, and me) decided to have a last special dinner together since Jaimie was leaving in two days. I brought a can of cranberry jelly to the table (finally needed to eat that stuff) and shared in buying some dessert pies with Kate. We arrived at Julie's around seven somethingish and headed upstairs for dinner.

Everyone shrugged off jackets and shoes while Julie began work on cooking our supper. Tonight's menu included snails, quiche, cranberry jelly, and tarts. Quite a melange of flavor. Kate dj-ed for a bit before the platter of escargot were set before us.

Those suckers are tricky to get out, least with full-sized forks they are. The first one was hard for all of us until Kate unlocked the secret technique. This was a first for Jaimie and Julie whereas Kate and I had eaten snails before. They tasted as they always do like garlic butter. We had a fluffy baguette to go with and before long all the shells were empty. Time for quiche!

Now the quiche was devoured almost in the blink of an eye. It was cheesy and quichey and oh man was it good. I miss having an oven so much! Why must St. Nicolas be cursed that way. A microwave would've sufficed.

After that I broke out the cranberry jelly, with a proper can opener this time. No more knife tricks. I had expected Jaimie to have had it before at Thanksgiving but apparently her family doesn't do cranberries. Thus I was the sole veteran. Everyone seemed to like it and I had some leftovers as well. Dessert then crept onto the table.

I partook in the sugary delights that were tarts. There was an eclair but that's where I draw the sweetness line. When I returned home I did have to pop a few antacid tablets, desserts always do me in. Still the lemon tart, raspberry tart, and apple tart were lovely.

I'd say that it was a pretty stellar last meal for Jaimie that included a few firsts and a few familiars. She was with her friends, that's all that matters in the end.

May 21st

Oh boy. Time to do something most unpleasant. Honestly I'm usually not one to catch bad stage fright but all previous times were either in English or in French in front of non-fluent students. This is a performance in front of strangers who are French. Gulp.

I survived. What I experienced was Michael's performance final for his creative story telling course. My group was all nerves since three of us were foreigners. The French student was rather quiet, he's not one for the spotlight. However all went well. We read our little segments from my story that had been translated into French. Actually I helped the French student Julien with a few translation questions. "What is to flail?" Ah that one was fun to act out.

Michael told us afterwards that we had done very well (we performed with our scripts). He seems to have forgotten that my hand was shaking so bad that you could hear the fluttering of the paper. I solved the issue (sorta) by grabbing the other side with my left hand. Ay nerves were not my friends. Still I spoke clearly and he congratulated me on that my French improvement. Once all was over Kate and I decided to relax with a proper meal of burgers and nuggets. Oh Mickey D's!

Oddly enough we ran into Michael and his family at McDonalds. Wow, didn't see that coming. He allowed us to use a coupon on our meals which was both gracious and helpful. He really is a French father figure. At least his final is over. Time to pass out in victory, Scale style.

May 20th

Mondays are always tricky to write about. Even if something happens they just want to be difficult material. Why Mondays, why must you be stubborn that way?

Last post I did something silly but I don't feel like being serious at the moment. That would be repetitive and balanced. Psh, screw that.

Rather I'm going to paint a picture for you, with words. Fear not this one doesn't have a thousand. Though one thousand words actually isn't THAT many still that would be too specific. Not my style audience. Let's set the scene on our digital canvas shall we?

I'm feeling somewhere in the Southwest. Maybe New Mexico? Yeah let's go with that. Ok so New Mexico in the desert which has rocks, cacti (plural of cactus), plateaus, and wasteland. Lots of wasteland. Now we need something alive, sides the cacti, in our setting. How about a cowboy? Yes that feels stereotypical and just so right. Sept this cowboy is riding without a shirt (details) and is about to lasso a stray Texas longhorn bull. His stallion (all cowboys should have stallions rather than mares) is grey with a few speckles of white on the flank and a dark snout. Do horses have snouts or noses? Meh, same thing. So we have a desert vista, a cowboy and cattle, what else? Ah, of course. Let's throw some time into it. Sunset! Now everything is flooded with a pink light fading into purple and our cowboy and horse become beautiful silhouettes. So much for their coloring and lack of clothing.

Anyhow we end with something like this

I actually did color out (destroyed all the floating pixels) for the cowboy and bull. Took some time but turned out well. This is what I do for Mondays audience. Where did my inspiration come from? Ask Marty Robbins, "out to the bad-lands of New Mexico." 

May 19th

Something silly for Sunday. Why not? Do you remember something similar audience? Well these ones are different. If you look closely they not only tell of my days in France (the January ones were more so complaining) but also recall a few funny moments with friends. Try to enjoy, they did take some effort.

P.S. The rhymes used are "It's raining, it's pouring" "I see the moon" and "Ten Little Indians"

It's raining, it's pouring;

Le Havre is so boring. 

I think instead,

I'll stay in bed,

rather than go exploring.

Rain rain, go away;

otherwise you'll flood the quay,

further more we're sick of grey.

I see the moon,
what a sight to see.
If only someone were here with me.

Oh bless the moon,
my number is three.
The time I have until I leave.

Ten little foreign friends drank up some wine,
one sipped an extra glass and then there were nine.

Nine little foreign friends went out to skate,
one slipped upon the ice and then there were eight.

Eight little foreign friends created an Evan,
one crossed a Mushmom and then there were seven.

Seven little foreign friends saw magic tricks,
one simply vanished and then there were six.

Six little foreign friends strolled down the drive,
one bounced off a car and then there were five.

Five little foreign friends swam off the shore,
one dove in La Manche and then there were four.

Four little foreign friends had shopping sprees,
one overdrew their notes and then there were three.

Three little foreign friends all caught the flu,
one never lost their cough and then there were two.

Two little foreign friends shared days of fun,
one lived far away and then there was one.

One little foreign friend wanting to be done,
she returned to home and then there were none.

May 18th

This Saturday was supposed to be basic but rapidly turned into a major betterday. Huh, that only rhymes in a Yankee accent. Was a batter day dan before I's tell ya that. Aight accent time over. In general I enjoy it when life stumbles upon happiness, unplanned.

The agenda for the day was go to the beach. Kate and I made ourselves ready for the fluffy clouded day. That quickly turned into the familiar grey overcast. Darn. Didn't trip up us though. We wanted victory fries and gelato no matter the conditions.

Once at the beach we feast on fries and non-sassy ketchup. It brought back memories of our first trip to the beach back in early September. We almost left Paula and our Romanian friends in the dust that day; they were really slow walking back to the tourism office. Amazing how being perched by volleyball courts with fries in hand rewinds the time.

After the taters were munched up we moved onto dessert. Kate had two scoops of gelato, tiramisu and vanilla pecan fudge, whereas I decided to splurge on three. Be prepared audience, this is a weird melange of flavors. Mine consisted of vanilla, smurf (schtroupmf), and mint chocolate chip. I loved the smurf flavor (gutter thoughts) and have decided that my final scoop combo will be smurf and monster. No judgments audience.

We then decided to explore a bit of the beach. There was some jazzy music coming from the eastern promenade and being curious college students we of course inspected it. Turns out that Le Havre was in the middle of its Jazz Festival or Dixie Days. Sweetness.

Kate and I (plus a good chunk of elderly citizens) stood round stages and listened to New Orleans jazz numbers. There were clarinets, trumpets, double bass, drums, even a banjo here and there. Besides the smooth music, I enjoyed the fact that all the song names were in English. Jazz is an American thing (thanks New Orleans) though I'm surprised that they didn't play anything composed in France. Surely some Frenchmen has written jazz numbers. Right?

The festival was a great happening moment for Kate and me. We found the question mark square, rolled the dice, and had the exact number of moves. We were just lucky it didn't result in us losing all our coins. Mario Party anyone? Moving on then.

After we left stage B we decided that we were once again hungry. Good thing the beach has over twenty different restaurants along it. We chose the exact place we had eaten at with my family and Jonathan since it was reasonably priced. Oddly enough we didn't order pizza or mussels. Rather I was feeling something particularly French; foie gras.

To all my Americans out there this may gross you out, pends on your tolerance to foreign foods. Foie gras literally translates as "fat liver" duck liver to be exact. It isn't prepped in the States since the process involves forcibly fattening a duck before it is killed and served. Shame really cause it's frickin' delicious. The texture is smooth and sweet or simply delicious. We had foie gras salads that included lettuce, tomatoes, and duck bacon. It was a stellar meal to say the least.

Tis my day of unexpected awesomeness. Saturday, you were good to me. Ah thank you.

May 17th

The day after a final feels fantastic. Especially when you decide to leave your bed at 1:00 PM. Dreams are addicting audience, even if they are weird as hell. And have orange prom dresses in them. My mind sometimes.

Kate and I decided to dine out today. Aren't we classy? Well Subway was delicious. It feels like a regular spot for us. We were dressed in black sweatshirts, basic shoes, and jeans; we matched the atmosphere of sandwich eaters. I went all out and had a footlong with chips and a cookie. I didn't finish anything sept the cookie. Disappointed in you MareBear. France has made you weak again!

After I spent a good chunk of time chilling in my room, as usual. I then (hours later) talked to my big brother. Finally! It had been too long, two weeks to give an estimate, since we had truly talked one on one. It went over two hours which was sufficient for the separation period. Pete went over this amazing week he had spent with his college friend Steph. They hit a Dodgers game (private seating), Disneyland, a showing of Conan, and even the Magic Castle during a special anniversary night. Am I jealous? Completely! I wouldn't be a good sister if I weren't envious.

Our conversation was dominated by video games (real shocker) and internet videos. I did make my brother cry from laughter at one point. Apparently he wasn't expecting me to say "krunk" in the manner that I did. Glad to have given some happiness back, he's often the sillier/funnier one. It just felt wonderful to see his face and hear his voice again. LA is far away (even when I'm back home) and Skype helps lessen that distance.

So this was the video we discussed. It's an experience. That much I will say.

May 16th

Oy today was-well it was my final exam. Fun doesn't really do sarcasm justice. Strangely enough I wasn't freaking out like I normally do. Rather I calmly woke up, met Kate outside, and proceeded to the library for last minute review. Catholicism, secularism, Islam, Hinduism, kill me-ism. Like any subject, if you aren't actually that interested it makes it that much harder to revise the facts.

It then happened. I was early and picked a stellar spot of the lecture hall, at the end of course. Being at the end has its gains because when you leave it is swift and smooth. Sure you may have to move for other people but that's less awkward than their situation.

The exam itself was underwhelming. I had expected something more productive than "commentaire de documentation" on secularism. Surely I can't be serious but a comparison between two religions would've been more beneficial at demonstrating knowledge of the overall rather than a topic known to all French students. Guess my professor was preparing for the students who attended the first and last lecture only.

I did my best (with my little pocket dictionary at my side) and wrote a decent enough essay. It had a beginning, middle, and end anyhow. For good measure I also wrote that I was a foreign student. This professor though polite is completely French; she sees every student's work as equal despite the fact that foreigners aren't fluent in her native language. Sensing a bit of "entirely skewed expectations" which is a common enough symptom for most French professors. Solution? Study abroad office sends the LSH secretary to "chat" with these teachers. You'd think after years of being at the college they'd learn. Wait, right French thing.

Ok that paragraph was a low blow but I feel as though I haven't been complaining enough about French culture. In the beginning (a long long time ago) I wouldn't shut up about it. Everything different that wasn't as "simple" or "friendly" as it had been in the States was instantly a problem. My calm nature of France is concerning because it means I may have, adjusted. Shiver, there's a thought to give you cauchemars. Oh damnit.

True dat Lio, right the wrong!

Why is there another Lio comic? Simple, I love the strip and it adds flavor.

May 15th

This was an odd Wednesday. The start of my day was somewhat interrupted and caused me to be in a bit of a rush for my first class. Turns out it was cancelled. Ok then to the library! I became bored of reviewing Catholicism and decided to explore the English literature section for some Lewis Carroll. No such luck. Gosh darnit! Instead I grabbed a book of English Ghost Stories. That satisfied and even contained my favorite spooky tale; The Monkey Paw. Wishes always backfire, Goosebumps and dead man's tales hammer that lesson home.

After sifting through supernatural plots Nursery Rhymes began. This session we analysed the short story of Patricia, Edith, and Arnold. It's a good read and has a fantastic weave of adult and child perspectives on a dramatic crisis. There are few nursery rhymes references as well, just to boot.

Then trouble occurred. Alright I'm going to be a diva about this, forewarning. So a few weeks ago Mama Duck or Michael Hauchecorne assigned the final exam project for his Creative Writing class. It was to write a paper (surprise there) that takes place in the Antarctic Ocean where something dramatic happens. Conflict, the key to storytelling. Kate and I decided to play around with the assignment (which was allowed in English) just because we weren't in a serious mood that day. Hers involved a complaining 24ish year old who was on a southern expedition because she loved penguins so much. Mine was about a crew member who went insane and burned everyone alive because the captain threw his radio overboard. Again we weren't taking it seriously.

Mama Duck seemed to love our stories and didn't have any feedback for us. All we knew was that we were supposed to "present" our stories on stage. Kay, that's embarrassing but we can survive that. Not exactly though, as we later found out. Six stories were picked from the class (mine and Kate's included) and everyone was divided into groups. The others were in French, ok. Apparently ours were supposed to be too. Sorry what?

We now have to gut and translate our stories into French because the audience (which apparently involves children) isn't bilingual. Mama Duck you told us in the beginning that we were allowed to compose our stories in English and perform them in English. What the hell?! Now I have a group of people who have to help translate a story that is in very fluid and relaxed English into French in a matter of days. That's not fair to them or me. Yes I realize that too bad, such is life. Still, I can't help but feel somewhat cheated in a way. Again, such is life.

Kate and I decided to splurge on some fastfood, we were not in the mood for healthy fixins. Upon returning to the dorm the studying (writing for Kate) began. We were doing a decent job of it too when we somewhat became distracted. Our friend Paula discovered the chaos we had digitally left behind on her news feed. Kate and I decided to send each other over one hundred messages on a single facebook status. She was hyper from caffeine, I was hyper because I was studying Catholicism and needed a form of rebellion. It happens. Still happy I'm Methodist.

May 14th

I put some much needed kick ass back into my veins audience. I'll give you a hint, a few post-its and a glass were involved. Nothing like yellow sticky note therapy. Or are they Stick Ems?

Anyhow today involved the kids as usual. It was somewhat a gloomy day but I didn't let that put me down. After all grey is the normal color of Le Havre. It had been a long time. Also I don't mind a break from sunlight. June promises to have too much of it.

Our lessons were the typical format; I reviewed the course material with each Racadot respectively and practiced speaking conversation with Louis. However, on this occasion Louis was far more interested in the conversation. I should've guessed that he liked Minecraft. I used to be a part of a server last year but had to stop playing due to a little thing called college. Once that topic hit he really tried to find and use his words. Teachers take a note, the way to have your students talking is to find the video game or MMO that they love and use that as a genre.

Anne was again reviewing the comparative form plus more. The more was the difference between "elder" and "older". Oh boy. I had a fun time figuring that one out. After trying to explain the definitions of the words and failing I finally realized that older is used as both an adverb and an adjective whereas elder is just an adjective. The discoveries of grammar in my native language. Sigh!

I returned home to begin work. This work was really studying for my upcoming Thursday final on my History of Religions course. I now know why my family is Methodist, we're so much more chill than several other branches. Plus we have grape juice instead of wine. Big win.

May 13th

Today consisted of doing nothing plus three mistakes. The nothing consisted of (the obvious) nothing! No muffins to be found in these boxes. The mistakes though were something. Not much of something but occurred nonetheless. Let's proceed down the list.

First mistake, I ate too much sugar. Jelly beans are a kryptonite of mine and in moderation aren't an issue. I polished off the barely nibbled box of chocolate covered jelly beans today. Oops. That isn't good for me in any way shape or form.

Second mistake, I ignored most of the world. This like jelly beans is fine once in a while but has happened for the second day in a row. Truly a strong second. In any case I did leave my home for a walk and some groceries but I'd hardly call that socializing.

Third mistake, I wasn't being myself. As I've said recently in a few posts I'm stressed about upcoming events. Leaving France is one and starting school in Iowa again is another. I haven't been completely honest though. Despite trying to simply how I'm feeling and I can't find a direct reason. I'm not upset, I'm not depressed, I'm not furious, and I'm not particularly well. Being nothing isn't me.

Again I've made a grey post. I dunno maybe I should've fabricated something uplifting for you guys. It's not your fault I'm being a Debby downer. So here's a lil something that makes me laugh and hopefully will do the same for you. Also don't worry, I have a plan on how to cheer myself tomorrow.

Only view if you are familiar with Arrested Development

May 12th

A day of nothing. Sigh, I'm never certain on what to think about days like today. Wait a minute, I'm never certain on what to think ever. Regardless of the day.

Well what I did was watch an old tv show from my somewhat distant youth. The series involves a character Rikki whom my computer is named after. She's pretty kick ass and it was nostalgia all the way re-watching her in action.

Other than that the usual happened; edited/wrote some chapter bits, ate food, overdosed on music, and kicked back in my room. I think I just needed some downtime. Haven't been able to really mull over all these thoughts that are floating around. The stress of the year ending is messing with my head and it isn't pleasant. Time moves no matter what. I'll take that as a good thing.

Something silly. Oh Lio

May 11th

Early morning again. Kate volunteered for the first shower which gave me about fifteen extra minutes of snooze. Something I'll never learn in life is that it is better to actually "get up" rather than lie in a half-sleep mode for a mere fifteen minutes. Those minutes are like the orange cheesy residue from a fresh bag of Cheetos coating your fingers; ecstasy that lasts for only a moment before you crave more.

Kate stepped out of the shower and it was my turn. Ugh time to move MareBear. I climbed down from my bunk and stumbled into the shower. Fastforward to twenty minutes later after breakfast. The other two girls had woken up and were using the bathroom to become ready for their day. I decided to do my final touches (make-up) outside on the balcony. It was pretty stellar. There was enough sunlight to do my eye liner plus the breeze was wonderfully refreshing. The joys of being outdoors.

We flung our stuff into our bags and slipped downstairs to check out. It would be another day of carrying everything on my back. Good thing I have Bengay in Le Havre. Today's agenda was flea markets. Not just ordinary flea markets but antique ones.

The first market was in the southeastern area of Paris and was what I could call a typical flea market. Vendors had tents set up all around with clutters of things on display. Now most of it is junk or broken but occasionally you'd find something worthwhile. Unfortunately most of the worthwhile stuff was out of my price range. Guess I'll have to return when I'm old and have money in the world. After I've built my hall of mirrors of course.

I did grab a little something for my mother for Mother's Day. It's small but I think that she'll like it. Sides I'll probably add a few things to it just for special details. I found a few things that my dad might have liked but decided to not splurge. I love my dad, I simply felt that the items weren't worth it. Sides I have a great idea for a gift for his birthday. It's something you can't buy too.

Alright back to the markets. Kate and I spent a few hours at the first one before heading into central Paris. I had an errand to do for my mom which involved paying a visit to the Lancome boutique on Faubourg St. Honore. Being a student traveler I was dressed in jeans, a sweatshirt, and my beautiful destroyed converse shoes.

Aren't the cracks mesmerizing?

My mother forgot to tell me that this was the fashion center of Paris. Uh what? I have never felt more out of place in my life. Kate wasn't too keen on the place either but at least her shoes didn't have holes in them. Honestly the store cashier was the most nonjudgmental woman in the world. I entered Lancome and she instantly greeted us with a smile. I told her the type of perfume I was looking for and she instantly took me to it. After a sample (the stuff smells amazing) I asked her for two bottles. She packed it away in a lovely Lancome bag and rang up the order. Then she provided some day and night facial lotion samples for me. Wow, thank you so much for being an incredibly kind person. It honestly helps and makes me want to return when I have money and proper footwear. 

Success I bought the perfume! Now time to find Jonathan. Kate and I decided on a giant church since it was obvious and had steps to sit on. The sun was making the day hot so I stripped off my layer of sweatshirt. Damn heat waves. In any case Jonathan found us (and gave Kate a small scare) which prompted our little trio to go find some food. We were wonderfully successful. 

Jonathan once more spotted a restaurant. He's pretty good at randomly finding food in France. This place was called Chick Can and served chicken. Odd name but the food was frickin' amazing. I had a chicken breast with a side of tomato salad and boiled potatoes. The manager was friendly and dramatically described all of the food. To give you an idea of how awesome this place is, they provided cold glasses of free water. In France. Big deal dude. 

After lunch it was time for more markets. Unfortunately (sorta) we undershot the northern antique markets by a few blocks and ended up in the illegal market area. By illegal I mean the stands were legit but the merchandise was questionable. I never feel comfortable in areas like that. Somewhat of a Sterling (Illinois) vibe to it. Just as if something is going to swallow you whole. Or that some notes might mysteriously disappear from your wallet. 

We looked around there for a short time (Kate wanted to) before finding the actual markets. I was the one who discovered them down an alleyway after seeing a group of elderly strangers disappear. Sounds safe. When we stepped into the alley it was as if the rest of the world stopped. The noise of the streets was gone and all around where stalls and shops of oddities and curiosities.

I didn't buy anything in these markets either. There were some lovely pocket watches and pens but they just weren't feasible. I'll splurge when I have my own money. It will actually be mine then, no risk of losing it from being grounded or in debt.

A few hours later and we found ourselves tired and thirsty. What to do? Swing by a cafe near Chatelet and have a few beers/wine and watch the clouds go by. Least that's what I did. Kate and Jonathan talked about Aberdeen and I found myself drifting in the sky. Guess the phrase "head in the clouds" was named after someone like me.

Not long after it was time to go home. Saying goodbye sucks. It really does. You'd think after the long twenty-one years of life that I've experienced I'd be an expert at saying goodbye. Nope, it's always difficult. June is really going to suck.

One train and one coach ride later Kate and I were back in Le Havre. We stopped by our favorite kebap shop for some dinner before returning to St. Nicolas. As soon as I entered my room I dropped everything and kicked off my sneakers. It was time for Bengay and bed. Hello Blackhawks blanket.

May 10th

Back to Paris! Ha I would love to know how many times I've visited France's capital city because clearly I've lost count. Unfortunately due to work being done on the rails the journey took an extra hour. Coach was nice but I prefer a direct train.

Kate and I were headed to Versailles today with a heavy overcast of clouds. I kept threatening to pollute the sky with aerosol hairspray if it so much as thought about pouring on our parade of the golden palace. Fortunately it didn't. Made our time outside far easier.

Speaking of time outside we spent more than anticipated. First I had to buy a ticket (Americans over 18 must pay the price) which didn't take too long. I used a machine and the process was over in a matter of ten minutes. Then Kate and I had to wait in line. Specifically a line that slithered like a snake in front of the gates of Versailles. Oh boy, time to be patient.

It took a little over an hour to be admitted into the palace. Could've been worse I suppose. Still the fact that we had to keep our bags with us (you can't check it if it has clothes in it for security reasons) was a pain. My backpack had the better of my shoulders by the end of the day. The palace itself was crowded. Kate and I didn't spend much time with the paintings purely because of the amount of bodies in the rooms. I'm not one for close encounters with strangers especially with the temperature is bleeding into the "hot" zone.

The main areas in the palace weren't too bad; the hall of mirrors and the hall of battles were relatively open and supplied us with much needed room. I really need to build a hall of mirrors in my home. Kate was amazed at the hall of battles. As she put it, "this is awesome. Completely awe-inspiring awesome." I felt bad that we had arrived on such a busy day but it only meant that she would have to return in the future which is an exciting event to be.

After suffocating among tourists (especially American ones that I avoided like the plague) we hit the gardens for air and food. We did spot an Angelina's Tea Room (wink at my mother) but were hankering for something more filling and less rich than chocolate. Eventually we found La Petite Venise hiding behind the giant wall of hedges. Time for lunch!

Kate and I had lunch for about three hours. Least I think that's how long it lasted. We just took our time and enjoyed our meals. She had a chicken salad with huge amounts of everything. It was a fresh leafy green bowl of deliciousness. I ordered a salmon salad and was surprised when raw salmon stacked with pickled cucumber and crackers was placed in front me. It was fantastic but definitely a shocker.

Our meal ended and our energy waned as we made our way out of the grounds. It had been a long day and we were looking forward to the train back to Paris, sitting down and relaxing rather than carrying bags. We met Jonathan at the train station and proceeded to find our hostel for the night. It was Oops hostel and was located near/in the Latin quarter of Paris. Kate and I checked in and were pleasantly stunned with how nice it was.

First detail, they had an elevator. Ok I bypassed the metal box of pressure which forces me to be too close to people as much as could but that doesn't mean it wasn't a nice luxury for people who like elevators. I'll never understand that side of the population. The moment I discovered the stairs I took them every time. Second our room (which we shared with two other girls) had its own bathroom; not just a sink but a shower, toilet, mirror, and sink. One word, sweet. Third, breakfast was included in the fee. Fourth and finally, we had an amazing view from our street-side balcony. Oops, completely kick ass.

Right, once that was taken care of and our stuff was dumped into our room the three of us went on the search for dinner. Jonathan spotted a place called Pho which was something Kate (someone cultured in Vietnamese food) had highly recommended. We grabbed a table and the two British students ordered some Pho and seemed to love it. I know my stomach and apparently raw salmon steak doesn't seem to sit too well with me. Soup and noodles weren't in my interest. In any case I had caramelized pork with rice and veg. Good eats.

The three of us stuffed our faces and saw the night slip by. That's always what happens when you're having a good time. Why can't the time stretch/crunch be switched for good and bad? Anyhow Kate and I said goodbye to Jonathan (there was a joke later about finding my tonsils) and marched upstairs to bed. Well almost. Like I said earlier my shoulders weren't thrilled with having carried my backpack around all day. I took off my shirt and instructed Kate on how to massage knots out of the body. This was her first time being a masseuse and she did a decent job. I worked on her right shoulder as well which seemed like fair payment.

Then we went to sleep.

May 9th

It's one of those days where I don't know what to write. Did you miss them audience? I feel as though you did even if I gave you plenty of them in February. Do not fret lil audience I won't be making a video or giving you one sentence of information. I'm feeling as though this should be a more personal post and probably a darker one at that. From me to you.

Dear Audience,

Lately I've been doing what some might consider everything under the moon; traveling to the UK, socializing with my culturally mixed group of friends, taking final exams in French, chucking old jeans that won't be seeing Chicago again, realizing that I'm not sure if I want to go, remembering that I don't belong here. It's all very confusing for me. I suppose that fits, only 21 after all making the world a confusing place. Still it doesn't make it easier.

The friends I've met here are important to me. That's a strong reason of what is causing me to struggle about going home. Only Jaimie and Paula will be in the States and even then are going to be a few hundred miles away. That's something which is infinitely better than nothing, I know that. However when this term ends that's it for so many people in my current life. We aren't coming back. There isn't a ten year reunion for study abroad students.

I would love to visit all my friends and see places like Romania and Hungary with them as my hosts. The likelihood just isn't there. I'll have memories of them and pictures too but part of me hates that those bits are all that will ever be in the future. Damn, the deadlines of tomorrow are approaching so fast. Don't peg me wrong, returning to Chicago isn't the problem. Not at all. I have kin there and I also have Chicago itself. No, what I'm dreading is Iowa City.

My previous two years at Iowa weren't the easiest for many reasons. The main stitch in my side was the fact that I didn't have a stable social circle until second semester of my sophomore year. Freshman year was just a mess in that category. Returning to Iowa means returning to a place that reminds me how alone I can be. Maybe this sounds weak but friends are something to depend on.

Alright that's over-dramatic. I do still have a few friends who haven't graduated who are there, I'll be doing a few new activities, and I'll even be living in a more peaceful apartment complex. I'm not one to mope for days on end, that doesn't solve anything. I should make some new friends by going out and living among the world of Iowa City. Still the environment will always remind me of some not-so smooth semesters which cause reluctance of allowing my next academic term to ever begin.

Yet, oh the forever turning change of thought. Yet Iowa City is my college town. I'll have to work at finding my place (actually finding it) and my peers but that's a challenge to accept when the moment arrives. I couldn't stay here, not in France and not even Europe. Something always draws me to the States where my home lies. The Atlantic Ocean is big, too big to be across from the stars and stripes. I learned this about myself after being away for so long. America I can't ever leave you forever. Double edged sword, my abroad life stays whereas I go. Damn.

Audience I don't think I've ever been this raw with you before. All other times you've seen me spouting off sarcasm and attempting witty lines while writing about my days in France. I'm aware that this wasn't the post you were expecting since I love to entertain with words. Please do not be disappointed, this won't be a frequent occurrence. This is me expressing to you my human side of being afraid and somber. Just had some heavy thoughts on my mind is all.

Thanks for listening all the same.

Your post-master and blog voice,

Mary