April 28th

Today sucks. Just grrrr.

Alright I owe you an explanation audience. This approaching week is going to be hell. Not hell week (high five to all my Crew buddies out there) but a week of hell. I have three finals, two are exams and one is a paper. Two happen on the same day, Thursday. In other words I'm busy in the unfun irritating way.

That contributes to this Sunday sucking. Really, sides studies, today was a moment of reflecting a realization. Last night around 11 PM I registered for classes. Not Le Havre classes, no my classes for fall semester at Iowa. Possibly the most emotionally difficult class registration.

Everything went fine with it. I had my audit on one side and the browser on the other. This enabled me to properly search for required class numbers. Allow me to briefly explain the system. Departments, classes, and class sections are all given a numeric name. The English department is 008. So for classes I type in 008 (and check the box that says available classes only) and bamn all the English major classes show up. I then scroll through to find appropriate class to satisfy my audit or list of required credits to graduate.

But MareBear, wouldn't it be easier to search for specific classes? No. The English department has too many choices on the audit. For the 20th Century Literature credit there are over fifteen class options. Plus not all classes are offered each semester. So it is easier to use my best friend Ctrl F instead. I found my classes, created a Friday-free schedule, and promptly began to silently cry.

I hate admitting weaknesses to you audience but this hit hard. I woke up fine today but have been feeling down. Kate noticed that I was more talkative than usual, a nervous habit. I just damnit! Having things set up back home for the upcoming semester just solidifies that I'm leaving. It was the cement that filled the hole.

Yes I still want to go home. I miss my friends, I miss family, I miss Chicago, and I miss my car. But that doesn't stop me from missing everything I have in Europe. Iowa is planned now. I already have my apartment there, my stuff is in a storage unit, and now I have my class schedule. It's just too real for me.

Sorry audience, this wasn't much of an uplifting post. Today was spent studying art and moping in solitude among art. I'll quit the attitude though. Writing this helped, more than you may realize. And on the bittersweet bright side it means I have things I love on both sides of the pond. That fact does make me smile.

As well as the hilariously poor poem I wrote during my senior year of high school about Edinburgh. I found it in my email and have been laughing since. No I'm not sharing.